No matter what is going on in our lives, time always moves on. It is inevitable. It doesn’t stop to wait for us to get our acts together. It doesn’t pause when we’re sick. One day, we’re young. The next day, we’re elderly. We can only plan so much for each stage of our lives so that we aren’t taken unawares when they come. We don’t panic because we already know what to do. This makes life a bit easier for us, even if the stages are difficult.
One such stage that needs planning is retirement and aging parents’ finances. The children sometimes need to talk compassionately with their parents about issues bordering on their finances. But the talk can be difficult if the parents aren’t forthcoming with the information about their finances and retirement. But there are some things to do to ensure the conversations go smoothly.
1. Start the Talk Long Before the Talk
This talk might not need to happen in a formal way. You can bring it up slowly over time, subtly showing them that talking to you about it is okay. Maybe chip it in at a family dinner or an outing. This helps because when the day for the actual talk comes, everyone is a bit familiar with the subject and will be more comfortable talking about it. By doing the leg work earlier, you’ve softened the ground.
2. Never Undermine Their Intelligence
Before delving into the discussion, it is important to remember that your parents are not unintelligent. They may be old now and need help with a few things, but they made it this far on their own. So try not to condescend or downplay their opinion on matters. Treating them with respect rather than being interrogative would make them more likely to open up.
3. Ego Check
Parents have egos and might not want to tell you things because they’re embarrassing. You need to be aware of this before coming to the discussion. They may refuse some questions and are well within their rights to do so as adults. But the point is that this isn’t a one-off conversation. It could be something that goes on for a while. As time progresses, they may relax and reveal more information.
4. Begin Slowly
It’s best to first find common ground, like a discussion about current market performance. This can easily segue into talks about how well their investments are doing and if they have concerns about how long their retirement savings may last. If your parents are stiff about the subject and refuse to divulge many details, the goal at this stage should be to get them talking and not necessarily to have them spill every last detail.
5. Alert Them to Scams
Moving on from investments, you might let them know that seniors are more prone to online scams than other members of the populace. Since, generally, they are less savvy about modern technology, they might not be familiar with the current tactics of scammers. You should educate them on the importance of guarding their social security number and why they should never give it out, no matter the situation, especially if they receive an unsolicited phone call.
6. Talk About Health Care
Your parents need to know that they could easily fall ill and become incapacitated, so they need to make plans for their care. They usually assume that one person would take care of the other if one person fell sick. But the older they get, the more likely they are to both fall ill for different reasons, leaving no one to care for them. You’ll need to talk to them about health insurance or the idea of a family member coming to care for them.
7. Estate Plans
It’s wise to ask parents about their plans for their assets and if they plan on passing them on to family members. In the discussion, you may also review the ramifications of certain types of inheritances, especially retirement assets. If they have an estate-planning attorney or financial advisor, you may ask them to introduce these professionals to you as they can help clarify the matters.
8. Include Family
Rather than have the discussion one-on-one, it’s always better to have all the family members present. This is good because everyone would hear the resolutions reached. Siblings won’t show up later and start questioning everything. Some family members may feel that some decisions that don’t favor them have been arrived at and wouldn’t be happy about that. So it’s always better for everyone to be present when discussions like this happen.
9. Long-term Plans
You’ll also need to ask them to share their long-term plans for finances and day-to-day care. This will help you and your siblings know how to help them. It’ll also inform your decision on whether to hire a senior care expert to assess safety issues in your parents’ home. If they don’t have a plan at the moment or have one that is sketchy, you can help them draft one. You also need to prepare a budget for their long-term care.
10. Debt
If your parents are in debt, they might be embarrassed about this and either not want to share their financial situation or not want you to help them with it. You’ll need to reassure them that you’re not trying to take away their independence, but you want to help them live comfortably and avoid bankruptcy. This may help them ease up and talk to you about whatever problems they may be facing.
Sources: Real Simple; Schwab.Com; Reddit.
